(12-26-2011 Update: This is an update of my earlier post today. Today, I finally saw the actual “consent order” from Nov. 22 that bars me from naming The Plaintiff in CL11-5265-00. I wonder why this was not sent to me sooner than last week, when The Plaintiff’s attorney sent me a letter by electronic mail? It was after the deadline that required my response. Shenanigans. The Plaintiff’s attorney continues issuing threatening, opportunistic and, in my opinion and experience, malicious motions, the latest of which is a motion for default judgement on Jan. 6. Despite the daunting health and safety issues caused by The Plaintiff and his hostile tactics, I am making arrangements to properly oppose him on that day. The original harm was bad enough. Causing me to feel unsafe to go to a court of law, thereby impeding free and safe participation, while summoning me to court? Unacceptable. But that is not enough for this man and his lawyers. The Plaintiff then opportunistically argues that I failed to respond in a timely manner to requests for information that they made no effort to send me (my response deadline was Dec. 9; postmarked letter from The Plaintiff, including the “consent” degree, was Dec. 14)  even knowing the position they have collectively put me in, by acting in a manner that causes me to fear for my overall welfare as they unleash overly aggressive private investigators. They emailed me last week to jadeisaacs@secrets2tell.com; that same email also worked a month ago, and the month before that. Perhaps responding would be easier if I did not have reason to fear for my welfare and life, live in safe houses and constantly look over my shoulder. Because of this Plaintiff, true safety has eluded me since April 2008. The daily struggle I endure because of all of this behavior is (nearly) unspeakable. But it is a documented struggle, and I don’t mean just on this Web site. The Plaintiff and his attorneys would do well to consider that, and cease and desist the subversive, threatening behavior immediately. I didn’t start this fight, but I will to finish it, loudly. Below, I have edited my last post to remove The Plaintiff’s name, for now, while this malicious legal exercise commences. The case number is public record, as is the court site on which information about this case (CL11-5265-00) is available, including the names of both The Plaintiff and defendant. The link appears below. Last I checked, I am permitted to tell readers how to access public court records.)

Yesterday, the attorney for DreamHost, the Web hosting company for this site, called to ask me why, if I consented to take down posts naming The Plaintiff in CL11-5265-00—who is suing me for defamation—have said posts not been removed. The proceedings, which are being held in Prince William County Circuit Court, are apparently sealed, but the case number, CL11-5265-00, in [The Plaintiff] v. Esmeralda Barnes is public record. In fact,  case information, including directions on how to access case information is found at the following link:

http://www.pwcgov.org/default.aspx?topic=040052002550004714

I told him I didn’t know what he was talking about, that I hadn’t consented to anything, seen any consent decree nor had I heard from The Plaintiff or his attorney. Not by phone, nor by email (jadeisaacs@secrets2tell.com), nor by mail at the UPS store in Leesburg where The  Plaintiff’s private investigator used aggressive and intimidating tactics to unsuccessfully attempt to gain information about my whereabouts. I rented a commercial box there.

Particularly in light of my transient and difficult health circumstances, is it not in the plaintiff’s best interests to give me this information, so I can respond, particularly in light my special circumstances?

At the typing of this post, for safety and health reasons related to this case, I have no permanent address and stay in safe houses, or locations that are not made publicly known and to which I have no direct traceable ties. I wish this was not necessary, but it is. The incidents at the UPS Store reminded me that I am not safe. Even if serving me is hard, getting me the information is not, as DreamHost’s attorney proved yesterday and today, and every time he contacts me. Then again, he is not threatening and hostile and has always shown extraordinary integrity and kindness toward me, while affirming DreamHost’s commitment to providing forums for First Amendment expression.

Safety and health issues unfortunately dominate my life of late, so when The Plaintiff in CL11-5265-00 began threatening to sue me last spring, I made a decision to put safety and health first, and address legal issues later, even if it meant I had to take a (temporary) legal hit.

Before Oct. 7 and Nov. 18 hearings, I wrote to the court, two statements and a motion to continue to give me time to mitigate safety and health issues. Having to be on the move with health issues related to post traumatic stress disorder is tremendously challenging, but not only am I getting stronger, I am also gearing up to meet The Plaintiff in CL11-5265-00 on the field of legal battle.

My priority remains creating a safe way to participate in this legal process without giving anyone any opportunity to worsen my struggle with post traumatic stress disorder brought about by multiple acts of violence.

Sounds uncharacteristically vague? It’s going to be until I have had a chance to read what the court ruled on Nov. 18, take proper steps to address safety issues and until the court decides the outcome of this fight.

DreamHost’s attorney was as baffled as I was that there was a consent decree to which I was made party but that had not been sent to me in any way at all. I expected at least basic communication (email, a letter, a voicemail) so I could have a chance to comply with any legal order. I wish I was free right now to live and go where I want, any time I want, including court, without fearing the impact on my health and safety. I am not.

I don’t commit wanton acts of violence against people. I don’t willfully defy legal orders of any kind. And I wouldn’t intimidate and otherwise harass people I would sue. I wouldn’t file a malicious lawsuit against someone I harmed. I would, and I did, tell the truth to free myself and others from victimization of every kind. And I have greater truths yet to tell.

Here’s what you will see on secrets2tell while The Plaintiff tries to legally bind my right to free speech and bar me from telling the part of my own story that involves him: Before publishing this post, I removed from public view any article that names him and tells of his actions against me.

This step is for now, while this winds its way through legal proceedings. Big thanks to that kind DreamHost attorney for the info. He was under no obligation to reach out like that so I would know what action to immediately take (make private the posts to comply with the court order); it’s costing him time and his client money. Yet, he does the right thing and gives me the respect of a phone call and an email. He could have just told DreamHost to take down the site.

I asked him if it was OK with him if I wrote about how I learned of the consent decree, and he agreed. I don’t feel it is necessary to name him.

My motivation of late has been simple: stay safe, healthy and alive, leaving no opportunity for those who, perhaps, may have other ideas. Circumventing a legal process when I own and stand on my truth is not a desire of mine. I want a safe day in court that, regardless of the outcome, allows me to leave as healthy as when I entered the courtroom. That is all.

Thanks to all 2,500 or so of you for being loving, compassionate and, in many cases, long-time supporters. In the meantime, for safety reasons, I’ll be hitting the road again to yet another new place, breathtakingly beautiful and good for finishing my first book, Marked: A Call to Heal Damned Hearts about my struggle against the effects of long-time sexual violence and the patterns that kept that violence/adversity coming.

One of my goals for 2012 is to be strong enough to post more regularly, even as I am busy writing Marked and doing other work. Even in this stressful mess, my health feels stronger every day as I do what it takes to attain wholeness again. I look forward to resuming more regular posts and getting back to doing what this effort set out to do: be a source of information and inspiration for victims, survivors and thrivers on the recovery path. We’ll get back to naming ALL the names soon enough, when we win this battle.

Recovery isn’t pretty and I promised to tell the truth, even if it landed me in court one day. Regardless of what I face or the outcome, I’m resolute and undeterred.

Whenever this is over, I’ll only be shouting louder.

My loving people…Soon now, we will meet them face-to-face. I am resolved, in the midst and heat of the battle, to live or die amongst you all. While we stand together, no invader shall pass. Let them come with the armies of Hell; they will not pass! And when this day of battle is ended, we meet again in heaven or on the field of victory.— Cate Blanchett as Queen Elizabeth in the movie, “Elizabeth”